对待s don’t work for me

最近将其作为日常发送出去 微电子邮件;一世’我打算将其发布在博客上,并添加一些我’我收到了回应。 

来自好人的电子邮件:

“i’m totally in the ‘treats don’t work for me’营地。当我想要的时候,我吃的东西当然要在健康的参数范围内–如果我把它们弄碎(两块芝士蛋糕!)– it doesn’t feel like a 对待, 它引起耻辱.

我会在需要的时候买我想要的东西。有时候我试图说服自己,我买了一件昂贵的珠宝或牛仔裤’一直在注视,否则类似的事情会提醒人们保持清醒。“wait 30 days” to put it on.

我不’t have time for a lot of physical 对待s. I am craving a good 5-mile hike in the woods right now and it’已经过了几个礼拜了’发生了。我有两个小孩,我的丈夫和我肩负着共同的责任。

听到别人说我会畏缩“make the time” and “得到您的伴侣的帮助!” –我的丈夫无法神奇地取消会议以提早回家,所以我可以起飞。我不能走到坐在餐桌旁等待晚餐的孩子们走出去。我不能忘记拿起吸管,图片或衣服第二天上学,否则我的孩子会感到被排斥在外,这是我的错,我可以’t live with. When I’在一起吃晚饭时,丈夫正忙着给他们洗个澡,不得不在医院给他堂兄打电话。后来我不得不打扫卫生或为客人购物或参加聚会’有。这是每天必须完成的工作。现在。花点时间我的A%$。我’我很幸运每隔一天洗一次澡’不必担心我在家工作),即使锻炼也优先考虑运动’这是我在泡泡浴之类的事情上能迅速做出的努力,而不是我最喜欢的那种)。在一天的晚上10点到11点之间,有一个小时的阅读时间,我会 采取 不管我‘deserve’ it, have X days sober, just got through a tough craving, or not. And honestly, if I feel good enough about however many days of sobriety to 值得 a 对待, just feeling deserving, that’s 对待 enough.”


from me: do you agree with 好 about the 对待s thing? i’我做了很多有关此方面的文章并录制了音频,并谈到了重新训练大脑… but i wonder if you agree with 好 that, no matter what i suggest, it’s all ‘airy-fairy’ wishful thinking …

and if you disagree with 好 (或者您曾经想过她的表现,现在您不知道’t),您也可以告诉我。一世’我会在以后的电子邮件中分享一些想法。

美女

我想将此放在网上,以追究自己的责任。我想记录一下我头上的声音。我厌倦了考虑喝酒。上次饮用日期:2012年6月30日

  • 佩西打在了头上,清醒的每一天确实有助于应对生活带来的所有混乱。
    On the 对待s front, well cake, cake and cake, and I am have put on weight….

  • 我读这本书的第一件事就是“狼人,请不要再折磨这个可怜的女人!”我知道她的沮丧程度,尤其是对美女’s “impossible”照顾自己的想法。我把零食的想法带到了相反(但可能相关)的程度。我在城里买自己的零食,他们当时’5美元一种。我开始为此感到压力和内,对此我感到内“treatment”. (Ah ha –注意中的通用线程“treat”-精神?抱歉;无论如何,我的压力水平上升到了开始接受购买酒的想法的程度。然后它就撞到了我。这只是狼人与我混在一起的另一种方式。和美女’对我发送的电子邮件的回复(正如R. Rose所指出的那样)是’s not the 对待 that matters, it’s the meaning behind it. So I rethought my way of 对待ing myself. I bought some cheap rhinestones at the craft store and decorated each day that I have been sober on my calendar (beautiful!) I set my timer for just 5 min after my workout so that I meditate and appreciate my accomplishments. I’m proud of “Good”为伸出手。她想这样做。她只需要放开过去的行为即可。允许新的,健康的人发展并承认狼人’的把戏。我同意mrsh。正是酒精使我的生活陷入混乱。随着每天清醒的过去,我发现自己变得越来越有组织,并且能够应对生活带来的混乱。

  • This sounds exactly like the sort of thinking I used to do. When I kept trying, and failing, to stay sober. Even though I 有 lots of other sober tools in my toolbox and used them, I didn’t think the sober 对待 idea was worth trying, actually tbh I rejected it out of hand (because I told myself I could buy stuff when I wanted etc, much like good says she does)
    However, once I embraced the idea of sober 对待s (lots and lots of sober 对待s!) I have stayed sober. Because I tried different this time. It wasn’t the 对待s, as such, that made the big difference (lovely though they are!) it was changing my mindset to one of “I’m worth it, I’m not broken, I 值得 对待s and self care and self love. And even if other people can stop 喝 without sober 对待s, I can’t and that doesn’也不要让我破碎。这对我有用,所以我’ll do it”

    But you do need to actually try the sober 对待 idea, in the first place, not just reject it out of hand. Tbh I think that was 沃尔菲 talking, telling me it was a crap idea and that what kind of useless person needs 对待s to get them to stop 喝 ffs? A broken one who wouldn’无论如何还是成功’s who.

    Well FU 沃尔菲, I’m on Day 50 now thanks to 美女 and sober 对待s 🙂
    所以带上他们,我只能说ðŸ™,

    • 是的,我同意“treats don’t work for me”。作为一个已经清醒几年的人,我了解到的第一件事是,与我们所有人一样,进行行为改变的共同点是,每个人进行改变的方式都有很大的差异。

      如果对您不起作用,请不要’做吧。我同情作者’s frustration with “just make time”小孩子每天需要吃饭,被养育和上学。人们还必须赚取支持他们所需的钱。那不是可选的…是的,照顾自己也需要时间和资源。我们谁都不是别人的专家’的自我护理需求。我们可以一起建议,支持和学习… that’关于它,而且很多。

      我发现阅读此博客很有帮助,即使其中一个中心主题是““Wolfie”敌人,与我保持清醒的过程相反。对我来说,至关重要的是要记住,促使我贬低清醒或尽量减少饮酒对我来说是我的声音的声音,我… not some outside enemy.. 和I respond best to gentle empathy…

      此外,人们在清醒的不同时刻有不同的需求… year 5 is different from year 16 is different from 4 months. Year 7 was much, much harder than year 1 for me. I 有 such a sense of urgency that first year, at year 7… I 有 a sick kid and unemployment and day job after day job …同样的陈词滥调,无论他们多么有用’从来都不适合我。

  • 我同意mrsh…it’s not so much about the 对待 itself, but the context, the meaning. And. also…愿意尽一切可能保持清醒。

    尽管我不是某个12个步骤小组的成员,但当他们提出以下要求时,我同意他们最认真的问题:“你愿意竭尽全力吗…?”对我来说,我在饮酒生涯中达到了一个要求,没有任何借口的心态…即使这意味着让人失望,打乱现状,改变我的日程安排,甚至半生半死。

    对待,毛毯,带来’上!他们有帮助,但是他们可以’不会被别人定义…它们必须对使用它们的人有意义。

  • 我认为第一段说明了一切。当你做某事时你不会’通常不会让自己做的“it induces shame”. But here’s the thing – 对待s are all about breaking some self-imposed barriers to self care and fun as a reward for doing something awesome and hard. Treats absolutely won’只要您为自己给自己而感到羞耻就可以工作。 (顺便说一句,两片芝士蛋糕似乎是​​庆祝清醒里程碑的一种完全合理的方法!我什至可以安排下一个大蛋糕。)

    对我(和我’m honestly not an authority here), as 醇 abusers, many of us felt the same way about 对待s. We expected ourselves to move mountains just because we 有 to, and we certainly weren’仅仅为了做我们认为世界期望我们做的事情就不会给自己任何荣誉。但是你可以’在没有释放阀的情况下,要长期保持这种思路,所以我们很多人在这一点上转向酒精。一世’d辛苦了一天之后,下班回家,筋疲力尽,完全没有时间做饭。我没有办法宣布这是盒装Mac和奶酪之夜,让自己休息一下– I’一位母亲,母亲使他们的家庭完美平衡,每天晚上诱人用餐。我迫切需要休息一下’在做我觉得自己做的事的同时,在酒杯中休息一下“had”去做。我感到羞耻的是,让自己休息一下,庆祝自己的出色表现,并为自己感到高兴,因为那是星期二,这使我每天晚上都重新喝酒。

    我以前的每一次清醒尝试都失败了。通用线程?我感到羞耻。我以为我不是’我本该需要释放或奖励的,但我为自己每晚喝酒而感到恶心“treat”。我拒绝庆祝自己的清醒里程碑,因为“I shouldn’从来没有让我自己陷入这种情况 ”。完全是一种正常的思维方式,但特别不利于长期清醒的思维方式。每次,我’d在一瞬间感觉失败,就像我在做很多事情并且努力工作一样,所以不要’我应该喝点酒吗?不,我没有’t need wine, I needed a damn 对待! I needed to acknowledge and celebrate how hard I was working. I needed to lower my expectations, evennjust for one night.

    我所以所以建议BenéeBrown’丢人的工作。首先观看她的Ted谈话,看看它是否会引起您的共鸣。可能是你’ll find that 对待s start working when you start realizing that you actually do 值得 them and that you are worth celebrating and nourishing?

    Xoxo,祝你一切顺利!

  • 一些想法你似乎被最大程度地拉伸了。如果到达您因酒精相关疾病而住院的时间,’s your break. 我不’不知道你的故事,但是如果你在这里“us folks” and 美女, 醇 is surely interfering with all this tight scheduling and efficiency. What would your husband or significant other say? Food or luxury type 对待s don’不能为每个人工作,我明白了。那你的胡萝卜可能是什么?

  • I was where 好 is a few years ago, when our kids were really little and demanded every second of our time (on top of working). The idea, then, of taking out time for myself or 对待ing myself to something, sounded fabulous, but wasn’在我的现实中,时间紧缺与美元之间。现在我们的孩子分别是10岁和12岁,他们更加独立(尽管仍然需要很多时间)& our financial situation has dramatically improved. I like the idea of a little 对待 to mark my accomplishments, but totally understand 好’s frame of mind.