那里 is no right way

最近 神秘少女 hit a bump in the road. She was just about to reach 30 days of sobriety, and then she emailed me and asked 那 I restart her counter to day #1 for the 100天挑战.  I asked:  “for everyone who is 思维 of relapsing, and is trying to avoid it … can you say a few words? Did you know right when you drank 那 you were going to enjoy it, or was it a ‘fuck-it’ moment, or was 那里 any 思维.”

和—在她的允许下— here’是她写给我的:

我最近在戒酒第28天决定喝酒完全是个FUCK IT时刻。我只是喝了几杯酒“take the edge off.”  Not in any way, shape or form did I feel better or relieved. 的only relief 我可以 think of is 那 once I had my slip, it was over.  I was relieved 那 I did not continue to slip the next day/night/week.  I simply put my big girl panties on, went to my regular Monday morning meeting and got back with the program …

我什至没有考虑过给我的AA好友之一打电话。  This is probably the most frustrating part of all this.  I had been so proud of my upcoming 30 days … and I know for a fact 那 if I had not been able to reach the first person I called, I could have moved on to another.  I KNOW for a fact 那 someone could have talked me through the whole process…从倒入最初的杯子到可能的后果。

That will be my number one change for the next time 那 I struggle.  They don’一定要成为AA好友– 他们只需要成为了解您的人,因为如果您不是一个酗酒挣扎的人,他们将不会得到酒精,他们永远不会.

为什么没有’t I think of the puppies and kittens as I went to buy 那 wine?  为什么没有’我可以找人谈论事情吗?我为什么让我的兄弟’戏剧变成逃跑的原因吗?还有一些未解决的问题,我所能做的就是使自己尘埃落定,重新开始。

[下划线是我的重点]

我想有时候人会复发‘without’思维。这可能是一时的奇怪,强迫性的刺激。喜欢“哎呀,我绊倒了,倒下喝了。”

和other times i know 那 we 计划 复发。我们认为“i don’我不喜欢这种感觉’我的问题肯定是’t so bad, i’确保我可以喝一两到十九杯。”

我很好奇,如果MG有这些想法或其他想法。我个人有‘planned’喝酒,但总是设法推迟实际做的事,后来我感觉好些了,这种冲动就过去了。我个人没有强迫症“fuck it”念头,然后发现自己在喝酒。

但看。那不’没什么意思明天可能会发生在我身上(上帝,我希望不是!)。一世’m not special. i’m not doing sobriety better than other people.  i am perhaps temporarily lucky. and i thought 那 if MG wrote out what happened to her, then it would make more sense to me (and to her, and to anyone else reading).

这让我想起了艾尔’s post about ‘ugly sobriety’如果有任何误解,我可能会显得清醒‘漂亮,玫瑰色,神圣,闪烁’. But it isn’t。你的清醒可能看起来令人发指,困难而卑鄙,不值得。’t.

We’都在做同一件事。努力使自己保持清醒。和我们’用自己的方式做同样的事情。

My way is to put a positive spin on just about anything. Yes, i do 那.  Yes, it’有时很烦人。是的,就像其他人一样,有时我上床哭泣,抱怨我一生的生活多么糟糕。

通常我’我很乐观。关于生活和我的清醒。和我’我也对你的乐观。

There is no right way. Your way might be cheer-leader-y like me. You might blog or not. You might email me with your real name or not. You may want to date guys who drink, or not. You might be like MG, where you 停 and start a bit, while you figure out how to get your 清醒 car on the road. 它没有’t matter. 没有正确的方法。只有你的路。

坦白说,醉汉倾向于孤立。那’这就是我们所做的。也许在读别人 ’s blogs you’ll find someone who ‘像你一样吗’我希望如此。因为你值得保持清醒。而且,引用错误 保罗 (MIAB),“猫越清醒越好!”

美女

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm 累 of 思维 about 喝. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • 我最近想喝那么多酒…在八个月之后,这对我来说很奇怪。我知道这就是全部‘new job’强调。再加上我婆婆刚死…因此,我本来会想很多酒的所有这些诱因都令人不知所措。所以那天晚上我刚开始哭…一种无声的哭泣,眼泪从我的眼中流出来,我呼吸正常,我可以’不要阻止他们。我认为‘what the hell…stop’!但后来我意识到这只是情绪的良好释放,我通常“tired”…所以不用喝酒或为自己感到难过,因为我可以’喝酒后,我上床睡觉哭泣,知道明天会更好。总是一个更好的早晨。

    I also just made 计划s with an old friend to go to dinner next Friday and we used to do 那 and drink our wine and talk. So now I am 思维 那 I am going to make her uncomfortable and seem like a party pooper. BUT I know 那 I will talk just as much with lots of cups of hot decaf tea. But it doesn’t have 那 same feeling of going out with a friend and having drinks and chatting. Any advice?

    我真的很了解MG’s ‘fuck it…我只想脱颖而出’. I am feeling the ‘fuck it…I just want to 玩得开心 and be a 正常 drinker’.

    • 亲爱的匿名人士:
      我认为悲伤是很大的压力,’的微妙。就像那里’很多哭声开始,然后在那里’没有,然后在那里’s ‘crying for no reason’。我曾经读过,感冒是未哭的眼泪。而当我不’相信我每次’m crying I think “at least I’m not getting sick.” and really, I’米,几乎不需要借口!我认为哭是可以的。正常。甚至好。想要喝酒以躲避哭泣或躲藏起来的感觉是… well, it’s 正常, because it’这是我们过去常做的事情。而且其中一些习惯和模式仍然存在。也许他们’8个月后重新隐藏起来会更好,但是如果您有点悲伤或真正的困扰,那么旧的图案很容易浮出水面。

      如果您的老朋友因为您而感到不舒服’不喝酒,然后… well then they’现在不是您最好的朋友:)您(和我)可以和茶聊天。我们可以和任何人谈任何事情。我们不需要酒来‘have fun’ –我们从开始就很有趣!

      我不’t really have any *advice* 我不’t think. except to say 那 equating fun = booze is a slippery slope. I think I wrote somewhere before, 那里 is no “一杯酒会很好…对我来说,只有(适度地)清醒或感觉像一袋狗屎之间可以选择。那里’s no in between.”

      我不’经常喝酒的人可以或可以做什么’t do. 我不’t much care what shitty irritating friends think of my un-fun-ness. I know 那 I’m feeling better now. Sure some days suck, but overall, in general, to further elongate this 累 comment, I know 那 思维 about 喝 is a rabbit hole 那 我不’t want to go down. anymore.

      更改场地(喝咖啡并散散步),更改一天中的时间(上午中午至下午5点),或者如果您感到真正的卑鄙和紧张,则完全取消该活动。
      take the best care of you 那 you can. Cry, sleep, walk, run, hide under the covers in bed for a day. 和wait a tiny bit, because (again, for me) right around 8.5 months I got a very clear picture of what one year 清醒 was going to feel like. and I’m headed 那里 now.

      拥抱
      美女

      • 噢,天哪,美女!这是任何人对我说的最好的评论!我(当然)现在眼泪…宽慰的眼泪和您的仁慈!非常感谢!悲伤是很有趣的,它如何随时随地出现,或者是由记忆或传递想法引起的。它没有’t help 那 we had the memorial mass a month after her passing. It has felt dragged out and then re-opened.

        感谢您告诉我我的感受和想法是‘normal’!我真的不想喝酒…因为我知道那就像掉进一个深洞,我不想再去那里。我确实知道,当我开始记得它浪漫而轻松时…like you say ‘that’只是狼人说话’ and I then say ‘闭上他妈的走开’对此。我回头看我所有的事情’最近8个月没有喝酒…假期,音乐会,在酒吧餐厅的晚餐,而我却没有喝一杯或一瓶(或两瓶)葡萄酒!我实际上有很多乐趣,可以‘remember’这一切!我知道我也可以做到。该死的…I am doing it!

        I totally agree with you 那 I need to call my old friend back and change the venue! That would take the pressure off of me and we would still have a great time! We do love having coffee and shopping during the DAY! You told me what my gut was feeling! I really have to trust my gut feelings!

        我可以’等不到一年的周年纪念!!!!所以我’我会在7月清醒地为您加油,然后在8月为我加油!谢谢您一百万的拥抱和支持!!!

        (也许这更适合向您发送电子邮件…但是也许其他人也觉得更好吗?希望如此!)

  • 很棒的美女。
    MG–proud of you for getting back up and dusting yourself off and starting again. Most of us slip at the beginning, the key is just not staying down and learning what we can from each misstep. Then sharing 那 experience with others helps us all, so thank you!
    持续的支持和对100岁及以上的所有人的最良好的祝愿!

  • 谢谢美女和毫克!这是重要的帖子!他们说复发虽然不是恢复所必需的,但却是其中的很大一部分!复发是我故事的重要组成部分,实际上我复发了很多次,以至于我像一个慢性复发者,一次只能保持清醒的时间约三个月。在最初的几次之后,我对为什么没有答案…我的赞助商会说–因为你是酒鬼,你想喝酒!”但是无论如何,我非常感谢您分享这个MG,– “我什至没有考虑过给我的AA好友之一打电话。” –我发现,这是我保持清醒的关键。我的感觉和推理变化如此之快,即使是拨打电话,拨打电话并在需要时发出消息的行为,也会减慢我的工作速度,足以让我彻底思考。谢谢MG,很高兴您回来了!继续前进!拥抱!

  • 哇美女…I feel famous (or is the right word infamous?!?) ha ha. I truly do hope 那 this share helps at least one other person. I totally understood what 保罗 was saying about not wanting anyone to talk me out of it…but 我可以 assure you 那 I will think things through very differently next time. That hour or two of escape is not worth starting over after MANY MANY hours of 复苏, sobriety, growth, etc.

    这个社区非常有帮助…as is my AA group…就像我的康复/精神文学一样…It takes time to figure out how all of the pieces come together, and I absolutely LOVE the title 那 美女 appled to the post –没有正确的方法。是的,是如此的真实。如果有人可以自己做,那该死,我为他们鼓掌。如果有人来这里,而且每天要参加三场会议,那么对他们来说是。除了AA,还有很多可用的程序–妇女的清醒,SMART恢复和我’我肯定还有其他人。

    如果我每天都享受成长的机会,那么我在做正确的事情。如果我每天只学习一件事,那么我的旅程就步入正轨。如果我以某种方式帮助了一个人,即使它’通过我的错误,至少可以有所收获。

    继续前进…正如弗兰克·辛纳屈(Frank Sinatra)所说,“I did it MY WAY.” 🙂

    • 感谢您MG勇敢地回答了这个问题“你在想什么” …这本来很难说“I don’不知道,我只是喝了。” i agree with you 100% 那 improving bit by bit is the only way to get ‘there’ – wherever 那里 is! 拥抱 from me.

  • 当酒精中毒使我们眼前一亮时(顺便说一句,酒精中毒总是时时有我们…大声笑),而我们在精神上没有防御,那么我们就会发疯。在AA的大书中,’s called the “精神上的空白” It’s 那 thing 那 makes us pull into the parking lot of the liquor store and pick up a 瓶子 of wine or scotch. Seemingly 没有 even 思维 about it. Strange it seems, looking at it from the outside, but inside 那里 is a certain amount of sense it makes. It’s like our mind 停s and 醇ism completely takes over, like a parasite taking over the host.

    At 那 point, yes, we usually don’t call anyone. There is a reason for 那 – we don’t *want* anyone to talk us out of it. We *want* 那 drink, 醇ism holds sway, and we have already mentally prepared for this long before the drink hits our lips. Simple and powerful as 那 is, 那 is what usually happens.

    您说得对,我们隔离了。我们进入这样的社区,或者去开会,或者与其他清醒的人闲逛,或者发送电子邮件,或者我们要做的一切都是保持联系而不是在某个地方隐居。和我们在一起太久是一件坏事…大声笑。至少对我来说是!

    的“fuck its” are a powerful thing, and 那 is the sound of us resigning ourselves to our 醇ism. “You win”这才是我们真正的意思。布莱克因此,支持对我们的康复非常重要。它’s not all, but it’至关重要。而且我认为您在这100天里所做的事情真是太棒了。您对恢复的乐观和热情具有感染力,所有在座的妇女都对此有所了解。是的,我们都有这样做的方式 –我们中有些人比其他人需要更多的帮助。就像有人也帮助我们一样。“I” don’t recover. “We” do.

    喜欢这个职位。

    祝福,
    保罗